Tell Superman we think he's wonderful.
All right.
- But, Clark... - Yeah?
...you're the best.
And I'll take it to the Supreme Court if I have to.
But it wasn't our fault. It was an act of God.
In a church?
Hey!
Here's that compound you ordered.
Can't imagine what you want with it.
But you got it.
What the hell am I afraid for? I'm from Earth.
I really wasn't expecting all this.
I guess they did get a little carried away.
Superman, we all know...
...that you're not looking for honors and awards.
But when we heard that you were coming to see your pal Ricky...
...we realized that this was our chance to say thank you.
First, for putting out the Lake Camooga fire.
And not least, for saving little Ricky.
So since you already have the key to our hearts...
...Superman...
...may I present you with the key to the city.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
As you were.
Now listen up.
I just came in directly...
...from the Pentagon...
...and you better believe there's a damn good reason that I did.
Because God has given us...
...one of the greatest gifts in the world:
Chemicals.
Now you people, you like to go sit in church on Sunday, don't you?
You like to sit and watch the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Sit on what?!
You sit on molded, plastic seats!
Molded to your well-fed behinds.
Now, I don't have to tell you that America leads the world...
...in high-grade plastics.
We cannot afford...
...a chemical-plastics gap.
Now, listen to me.
Do you want...
...our president of the United States sitting down...
...to write a peace treaty...
...and have his ballpoint pen bust open...
...and the ink run out all over his nice, clean pants...
...in front of the world leaders?
No. No.
Now, we all know...
...that last week, half of this great nation of ours...
...almost bit the bullet...
...if it wasn't for this man here.
And all I can say is, thank the Lord for Superman.
Superman, you saved our bacon...
...and I'd like to show our gratitude.
This is a small token of our appreciation...
...to show to you for saving us from a chemical plant disaster.
Thank you very much, general.
This is very nice. Thank you.
It's very nice.
Unknown. How am I supposed to know what "unknown" means?
It means unknown. It means nobody knows what it means.
- Hello, boss? - Gus?
- Gus Gorman here. - I know that. How did it go?
You know how they're always trying to find the secret recipe...
...in that chicken in the bucket?
And nobody seems to know the ingredient...
...because it's unknown, right?
In the Kryptonite there was an unknown element and Superman didn't die.
He didn't die.
I ask you to kill Superman...
...and you're telling me you couldn't even do that one simple thing.
Hello?
He hasn't had an afternoon nap for years.
This is the biggest day of his life. I don't know how to thank you.
You did with that wonderful lunch.
Oh, well, I do like to cook.
- You'll take some coffee? - Yes, please.
- Decaffeinated, of course. - Right.
Hello? Yes.
What?
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's here.
I'll tell him. Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.
That was my friend Betty.
There's an accident on the bridge. A trailer crashed through the rail.
It's hanging off the bridge and the driver's in the cab.
I'm sorry. I hate to make you rush off.
Well, there's no rush.
But the bridge...
It's okay. I always get there on time.
Come on, let's relax a little.
It's unusual, finding a good-looking girl like you alone like this.
Listen, are you sure you shouldn't do something about the bridge?
What bridge?
You're right.
I have to get going.
Get him out of there. Come on.
Get him out quick!
Get him away. That thing's gonna go.
Everybody okay?
What can I do to help?
Not much of anything now.
If only you'd gotten here a minute sooner.
"At a special session of the General Assembly...
...178 countries voted to censure Superman...
...with only Colombia abstaining."
I can tell you one thing.
He wasn't so mean and nasty the other day in Smallville.
In fact, he was so full of niceness...
...I hated laying that big chunk of...
Kryptonite.
Don't you see? That stuff we ran off in the lab wasn't a failure after all.
Right after Gus gave it to him, he started to turn into...
...an ornery, evil, malicious, selfish...
- A normal person. - Yes.
And now that Superman is out of the nice-guy business...
We can get to work on that oil.
And now, the supreme moment, as the last runner...
... the one given the great honor of lighting the ceremonial flame...
... runs the last leg of a marathon that began seven days ago...
... as this torch has been passed from athlete to athlete...
... for 970 miles...
... across the country.
How can he say that pure categories have no objective meaning...
...in transcendental logic? What about synthetic unity?
Hi, honey! Am I in your way?
Stick around, you might learn something.
Hi, Lorelei.
All the oil tankers in the world are controlled by computers.
They tell them where to go, how much oil to pick up...
...and where to deliver it.
Don't they have captains on these ships?
Yes, but they don't need to.
That's a throwback to some sentimental, seafaring baloney.
You will command the tankers to sail toward a 50-mile area...
...in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
And do what?
And do nothing.
Just sit there.
How are all the people gonna get their oil?
You catch on fast, old buddy.
Every oil pump in America is run by...
- Computers. I know. - Will you stop interrupting?!
I'm sorry.
You will command the pumps to stop pumping.
Then I want you to program one special command...
...into all these systems.
Tell them these orders are irreversible.
So it would be impossible for anybody to switch them back.
Can you do this for me, old buddy?
Old pal?
You know, you get your way all the time.
And it's not right.
I want to know when I get a taste.
I think you've already had a taste of freedom, haven't you?
Or would you prefer jail?
You can't run that jail number on me.
Because I know I mean more to you out here doing things for you...
...than sitting in jail doing nothing for nobody.
I see.
What do you want?
What? A waste basket?
No. These are plans.
Blueprints.
- For what? - A computer.
- We've already got computers. - No, not like this.
There's not a computer like this in the whole world, anyplace.
It doesn't exist. You see...
...we have to build it.
What will it do?
Anything I tell it.
What will it do for me?
For you? It will do anything you tell me to tell it to do for you.
Tell me.
First of all, if anyone attacks this machine or anything...
...the computer counterattacks it.
It finds their witnesses and wipes them out.
Right, old buddy.
You deal with my oil and I'll build you your machine.
Okay, I'll do it.
But I'm not so sure about this irreversible business.
They all kind of went... What the hell?
That's it. The last tanker.
They're all mine now. All mine.
Not quite.
What's that in the upper-middle quadrant?
It's a tanker.
And it's going the wrong way.
Skipper?
There it is again. "Proceed immediately to...
...latitude 30 north, longitude 45 west.
There await further orders."
Hell, that's the middle of the Atlantic.
I'm not taking my ship there to "await further orders"...
...no matter what that says.
We're supposed to go to Metropolis, and we're going to Metropolis.
All right.
That's where she is.
Come on, get it up there.
Miss?
Miss, can you hear me?
Listen, we are here to help you.
Don't jump. I repeat, do not jump!
Thought you'd never come.
Don't expect me to save you. I don't do that anymore.
Don't worry.
I'm long past saving.
Don't let me keep you from anything.
I'm not in a rush.
What did you have in mind?
Lots of things.
Oh, yeah?
If you'll just do me one little favor first.
What's that?
See, there's this little boat...
...and it's not going where it's supposed to go and...
Stop all engines!
Hi.
How about a little après-ski?
Champagne?
Take your turn like everybody else!
Stop it!
He's coming over here, Martha.
Don't you do that!
Hit him with your handbag!
Help me! Please, help me. Somebody's beating up my husband.
- I've gotta call the police. - Jack, go with her, okay?
The third one today, and at night it's worse.
Somebody's behind this.
You can't say there's no oil.
You can't say someone's not getting rich off this.
Someone's always getting rich.
You know who suffers? The small guy.
The east coast gets the brunt of the spill.
No, I cannot go out with you tonight.
I'm busy tomorrow night too.
Oh, yeah? Doing what?
I'll think of something. Look...
...I gotta go. Ricky needs me.
Brad, please stop calling me. I've told you!
Well, you listen to me, huh?
You better start appreciating ol' Brad.
What else you got in Smallville?
What else have I got in Smallville?
I think I got the right answer.
So do I.
Smallville Airport, what flights do you have to Metropolis tomorrow?
- Where do I put this? - Over there.
- Where do you want this? - Load it up there.
Just leave him alone.
I can't get through. Something's happening.
Hey, look! Superman's drunk!
I want to see what's happening here.
- Thank you. - It's a disgrace, that's what.
Nobody's ever gonna trust that creep again.
He's washed up.
What are you looking at? Huh?
Excuse me. Superman? It's me, Ricky.
Ricky from Smallville.
Tell them you won't hurt anybody!
He's changed.
No! Maybe he's just sick.
Superman, please get better!
He's not listening to you.
Yes, he is. He can hear me. He's got super-hearing.
Superman, you're just in a slump!
You'll be great again!
You can do it, Superman!
Superman, you can hear me, can't you?
Superman, you're just in a slump.
You'll be great again. You can do it, Superman.
He's gone nuts!
Come on!
I can give as good as I get.
Yeah? All right, come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
What's the matter, Kent? Too warm for you, huh?
Come on, chicken! Come and get me.
You've been on my nerves a long time!
You always wanted to fly, Kent.
Now's your chance.
Skipper!
God, would you look at that!
Miss Lorelei Ambrosia isn't at home right now.
But if you'd care to leave a message...
... why not deliver it to her...
... in person?
So you've finally shown your true colors.
Well, if you're looking for us, here's where you'll find us.
Do drop in.
This is fun!
Fun? The fun's just starting.
Wait till Superman finds us, then you'll see some fun.
Wait, you gonna mess with Superman?
Let's go. I want to be ready for him when he falls into our trap.
I just don't see why you can't balloon down like the rest of us.
Well...
No way. Uh-uh.
I just don't believe a man can fly.
Watch out, horsy!
Don't, don't, don't.
Just don't try to fly.
Don't try to fly!
Will you get out of my way!
- Hurry! Hurry up! - I am hurrying.
- I can't see anything. - Turn on the light.
- Where's the light switch? - Where do you usually find it?
I don't know. I guess I'll check the doorway.
God, it's pitch-black in here. Oh, that's better.
Wow, what a jukebox!
I told you, didn't I?
There. The ultimate computer!
It does everything a computer can do and 1000 things none of them can!
Let's give it a dry run.
Wait. We've gotta wait for Gus.
Who needs Gus?
- Only he can operate it. - Like fish, he is!
I know enough about computers to put a Ph.D. To shame.
Come now, brother dear, you didn't think...
...I'd let that little man run the show, did you?
Why don't peons tidy up when they're done?
Come on, Bubba, it's showtime.
Engage those buttons to activate the alpha circuit...
...and lock the modular grid.
You! Activate circuits 29 through W-7...
...and start full-power coordinates on exterior defensive systems.
In other words, push this red button.
How did you know about that?
He's here!
Let's give him something to worry about.
Now, let's see...
Tracking systems locked.
Let the games begin.
Don't tense up now, honey.
Come on, Bubba, you're wasting your rockets.
Come on, Superman!
Let him have it, Ross.
Bubba, keep firing.
Keep him occupied while I get the MX ready.
What the hell is going on?
Keep your rockets coming. He won't notice the missile till too late!
So much for your catlike reflexes.
Oh, God!
No more. Look, you sit.
Sit, sit!
Help!
Hello!
Get to, jackass!
That's him out of the way.
Sis, how would you like to control all the world's weapons systems?
Baby!
It's Daddy!
Hey, what are you doing with my baby?
Gus, old buddy, genius. Come up and join the fun.
He's still coming. Arm the inner defenses.
All right, the game's over.
Hi, honey.
I don't know you, lady.
But the other night...
I'm sorry, but that wasn't me.
That guy's gone.
And you're next, Webster.
Never underestimate the power of computers.
How do you like it?
I think it's typical of people like you, Webster.
Instead of helping others, you four just help yourselves.
Four...
...of you?
You mean, us? Four? Wait...
Hey, man!
That's only his last name. He likes to be called "Superman."
See, I'm not with them, Superman.
You could've fooled me.
That's very good.
Let's see how long he can carry on without any air.
He's still coming! He's going to get me!
Don't bet on it!
You're hurting him.
- That's Kryptonite! - Yes.
- This time we got it right! - You're a genius.
You've invented a machine that can find anybody's weak spot.
Congratulations, old buddy.
You'll go down in history as the man who killed Superman!
I'm... No.
Superman!
No!
- Where do you think you're going? - Never mind.
- Turn the power up. - Don't you think he's had enough?
Turn it up!
Power! More power!
Seventy-five. Current 7.75.
There's a current level of 7 that is not supposed to be on bar...
Oh, here it is!
What's going on?
I don't know. The power's gone.
Gus must have pulled the plug out.
It worked.
It worked! I got it!
What have you got?
- Give me that screw. - This screw?
- That screw. - Never!
What?
Holy!
No! Make it stop!
I can't! It's out of control!
But how? Where's it getting the power from?
It's feeding itself.
It wants to live!
It's this thing here. We'll go to the zoo.
I'll do that tomorrow, and then we'll go on to the...
- What's happening? - It's okay, Ricky.
Put the lights on!
Stop it! You're killing him!
Stop it!
Hey. Put me down!
Don't leave us alone in here! Superman!
Oh, I get it.
The coaxial energy shaft is engaging the grid source factor. Right.
We're through, pugface. I'm splitting.
Hey, wait a minute!
Girls. Girls, come out of there!
Sis?
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Sis, it's your Bubba!
Help me. Help!
Superman!
Honey!
Honey, I'm stuck here! Help! What about me?
Look out!
Bubba?
Thank you, brother.
Regular or premium?
She hasn't had a drink in so long, give her a tankful of the good stuff.
How you doing?
Please don't talk to me. I'm having enough trouble hanging on.
Okay, we'll go slow. You're perfectly safe.
I won't argue with you.
Any man who can trick my machine can do anything.
How did you beat my defenses?
Those defenses are good as long as it didn't know it's in trouble.
This time it didn't see the danger. I went in with plain old acid.
It didn't know that when acid gets hot, it'll eat through anything.
Watch the trees.
I guess it died of acid indigestion.
But what's gonna happen to Ross and the ladies?
They'll have to see the police. It's not your problem anymore.
Are we in Metropolis yet?
Nope. I'm just gonna make a little stop. Right over there.
We're on the ground, Gus.
- You okay, Supe? - I'm fine.
Excuse me.
Can you guys spare one of these?
- Sure, Superman. - It is Superman, isn't it?
Are you kidding? Is that?
Didn't you see us fly out of the sky?
We're the only two men who can fly. "Is it Superman?"
Just right.
Okay, let's go.
I was afraid you'd say that. I thought I'd take the bus.
Well, suit yourself. Does your boss have a computer here?
Yeah, he got a little bitty one about that big.
You tell him he can do a lot worse than to give Gus Gorman here a job.
Wow, thank you, Supe.
Take care.
I'll see you around.
So long.
Take it easy, man.
Well, you got good references, so if you want that job...
Nah, this is not for me. I think I'll take that bus.
Where's the bus station?
Yeah, about 9, 10 miles over there.
Nine or 10 miles.
Hey. You really flew with him?
Superman? Have you ever seen Superman before?
Oh, you don't know about me and him? Me and Superman?
Yeah, we go way back together.
We always, usually, sometimes, we...
Nine or 10 miles?
I think I'll walk.
Yeah, I'll walk.
Clark.
What a nice surprise! Come in.
Hi, Mr. Kent.
- Guess who Mom's having dinner with? - Who?
Superman!
Yeah, that's what I came to tell you.
Superman said to tell you he's sorry...
...but he's run into a problem and he can't make dinner with you.
I guess he misses a lot of dinners.
Would you mind settling for me?
Any day.
I'll get my things.
Lana, I was talking to Superman the other day.
You know, he and I, we talk a lot.
He felt badly about you having to pawn your diamond ring.
Well, he found...
He found this one just lying around.
He wanted you to have this.
Wow, a ring from Superman!
- It's okay. I got it. - Sorry.
- Oh, Clark. - It's okay.
It fits.
It looks really pretty.
Thank you.
Brad.
Son of a bitch.
Kent, I hate you.
I've always hated you.
- You know why? - No.
- Because you're nice. - Not really.
And nice guys finish last.
Lois, I've got to hand it to you.
Who else could turn a vacation into a story...
...that'll blow the lid off of corruption in the Caribbean?
I knew I was onto something when that taxi driver kidnapped me.
Lois, you're terrific.
I have to be. Seems I've got some new competition.
The story that you wrote on the class reunion?
- I thought it was terrific. - Thanks.
And fascinating. I liked the part about the little girl back home.
I'll take you to lunch and you tell me about it.
I'd love to, but I'm having lunch with Mr. White's new secretary.
- Hi, Lana. - Hi, Clark.
Lois, say hello to Lana Lang. Smallville's newest gift to Metropolis.
Glad to meet you. I like your writing a lot.
Thank you.
I like your sparkler a lot.
Me too. I couldn't believe it when Clark gave it to me.
Clark gave it to you?
Mr. White.
Mr. White, look what I've got for you.
People, I am in love with this machine!
Excuse me, but I have a couple of errands to run before lunch.
- Go ahead, Mr. White. - Where's the handle?
There is no handle. You just push the button.
Giorgio, por favore?
Grazie.